And that would would be putting it mildly, nicely, whatever. Part of me questions why in the world I am blogging this, but the other part just says "whatever!" I have to question just where I am. What place am I at right now. Yesterday was Mother's Day right? I am so very grateful and thankful for my mom, but I do not feel appreciated, nor do I feel worthy of that appreciation. In church Bishop John Manis gave the most beautiful talk. Said some of the most wonderful, eloquent things. Many wonderful tributes. But as I sat there, I did not feel better or wonderful. I felt very unworthy of the thoughts spoken about, but I think most of all very inadequate and know I am not doing those things to be deserving of such praise. I am tired of my weaknesses, failures. I look at our children and some of the things we are dealing with and wonder where did I go so wrong? Why was I trusted with them to just fail? I know some of it is they are teenagers. But all of it can not be. The dynamics in our family are unique, but whose aren't? My expectations, are they too high? How do I lower and not feel resentful? I want so much to enjoy being with my family and for them to enjoy me, but it feels like we have so many things working against us. It feels like such a constant barage of things. I am supposed to love all of the children, but things keep happening to hinder that. Example: (boy you're getting an ear full today!) Thieves. Can't cut their hand off if you can't catch them or they won't admit it, or the money gets taken somewhere else, so you can't see if it's being spent. $100 worth of change taken out of our emergency change jar. What would you do? My hair is gray and getting thin. My folded tithing money, $20, taken out of my wallet. Bryce is overwhelmed and saddened, ditto for me. I fear I am losing sight of why our family is important. Am i really? I have all of the right answers, know them, just don't feel all of them all the time. Alot of this was just venting, no worries, just a frustrating day yesterday, and disappointing. Oh well, new days abound!
8 comments:
((hugs))
Oh, those teenage years are hard.
This Mother's Day I was hit with feelings of inadequacy too. It made me wonder if there isn't a better way to observe the day than singing "Love At Home" and feeling like crap.
Let's come up with something:)
I liked my Dad's talks too.
I'll tell you something my Dad told me a long time ago when I was questioning myself, my choices and even my testimony.
Satan's most prized trophies are our doubts, our inadequacies, our 'failures' or anything we see as a failure, and most of all our very souls. He also said that he seeks to destroy the most righteous of our Heavenly Father's sons & daughters. Now I worry more when I don't have trials or issues ever present in my life.
You must have a family with ENORMOUS RIGHTEOUS POTENTIAL to be brought down by so many pitfalls. I know this doesn't help, but you won't feel like this forever! Just hold to the rod and stick to that straight and narrow like there is no tomorrow!!! Luv ya, Les
HUGS and Love to you. Although you have special circumstances, I think we all feel inadequate at times and wonder why God would trust us with these special spirits. I know that you are a wonderful, loving and caring mother who only wants what is best for her children and I also know that Bryce wants the same. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
I love you Keri. And I had a blast hangin with you the other night.
Keri,
There are no words to really "fix" your heart. I do understand. I too have teen step children and raised a lot of teens other then my own, with doing the foster teens for about 11 years and taking in a teen niece and nephew. There are a couple things I can say the might make you feel better. One...with the foster teens...it didn't seem to matter how bad their Mom were, they loved them, and wanted to go home and be with them. It amazed me!
And Two... they grow up and go away! LOL
I have had money stolen out of my purse and bed room. It makes you feel so violated. It is frustrating. No solutions there, just is what it is. But I will tell you this; you commented on my blog that you hope your kids feel 1/4 the way I do about my mother. I am sure they will feel a lot more then 1/4 the way I feel. They will have their own memories and feelings of regret...once they get past being teens! Just look at my Jennica...she was a toot at about 15, and she is so sweet and fun now and a good little mommy. You will be blessed and your hard work will pay off.
Here's a hug and have a good week. ((((((Keri)))))))) Love Det
I'm so sorry you are feeling yucky. I would have to say that Mother's Day was the same way for me except my kids are still little. You are an amazing mother, one I look up to and admire! I like the quote that was mentioned in relief society on Sunday "Todays tests are tomorrows Testimony" just think how strong your testimony will be when your kids are through with their teenage years. Not that your testimony isn't strong now. I hope these kids ease up one you and your days turn brighter. If it helps my kids absolutely LOVE you!!! Hugs and prayers being sent your way.
You know, in Relief Society when the bishop asked us to name some modern day persecutions, under my breath to Sara I muttered...living with teenagers. Lol. So sorry you're having a rough time with it right now. (Me too. Grrr.)
Oh, a BIG thank you to Tyler for loaning Corey those scout pants!!! He passed his board of review tonight. Yay!
PS I love that CAt picture you posted, it's perfect! LOL
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